


i like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it

by beomrebi



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Clingy Choi Beomgyu, Confused Kang Taehyun, Eternity Era, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Guilt, Kang Taehyun-Centric, Kissing, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot, Sleep talking, i'm sorry kai doesn't really get any lines, lots of taehyun's thoughts whoops, minor yeonbin, sorry it's mostly taehyun's pov again this time, taegyu, taehyun's just confused so he ignores beomgyu, they make up i promise, yeonbin best parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25222942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beomrebi/pseuds/beomrebi
Summary: Beomgyu sleep talks more often than not, and sometimes he can even hold a conversation.Of course, he never remembers them—only relying on his members to tease him or tell him about it the next time he's awake.So why is it that Taehyun is suddenly avoiding Beomgyu and getting embarrassed around him?
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 26
Kudos: 310





	i like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it

**Author's Note:**

> a.k.a. a fic based on beomgyu's sleep talking habit and that one interview where apparently taehyun came home one day, thinking no one was home, until he heard beomgyu sleep talking and actually had a conversation with him.  
> i find that so funny and interesting, yet so endearing!! makes me curious as to what beomgyu sleep talking is like! 
> 
> surprise! i'm back with more taegyu! i had this idea a few days ago and somehow decided to write this one out of my 8491294 writing ideas/"to be written"/prompts. of course, it turned out longer than i had first planned, but i hope i was able to write taehyun's experience and conflict/resolution well!
> 
> there are so many people i could dedicate this fic to, but i feel like it's only right to dedicate this to you readers! (to my friends who support me, both writers and non-writers - trust me when i say you'll get a fic/au dedicated to you eventually!!)  
> i'm always super thankful to you readers, whether you leave comments or not, and i always hope that i can write something for you to enjoy and to make you feel happy (and hopefully not sad!)! thank you as always for all your support. it means a lot to me, even if i can't talk to all of you. 
> 
> the title is from the same song/album name by the 1975! i randomly remembered the unique title, and surprisingly, it kind of fit! 
> 
> disclaimer:  
> \- firstly, i don't know a thing about sleep talking or conversations that can occur when sleep talking. please excuse any medical inaccuracies.  
> \- secondly, this is purely fictional and written for entertainment. this piece of writing has nothing to do with the real idols, so please don't take anything seriously from this fic. it is in no way representative or reflective of the real idols.
> 
> i hope you can enjoy it, even if you only read some of it! thank you!

"Is anyone home?" Taehyun calls as he flicks the switch and the dorm is filled with light.

He's welcomed with silence as he puts down the bags of groceries from the convenience store and hangs his coat up. After dinner on the floor of their practice room, Taehyun was the loser of 'rock, paper, scissors' and assigned the role of doing the grocery shopping. Luckily, the convenience store isn't that far, and their 'groceries' consist of multiple snacks and an unhealthy amount of ramen, so he didn't have to travel all the way to the supermarket.  
He supposes everyone is still at the company, practising or perhaps doing a live for MOAs. He opens his phone to check for a VLIVE notification, but alas, the rest of the members are probably still doing their own practice.

Taehyun debates returning to the company for some vocal practice (or maybe he should brush up on his dancing?), when he walks to his room and-

"YA!"

Taehyun jumps in surprise, hands flying up as he hunches his shoulders. He cautiously goes to the source of the sound—Beomgyu and Soobin's room—and frowns at the dark emptiness of the room. The light from the main room only illuminates the half without the bunk bed.

"Beomgyu-hyung? Is that you?"

"Did you know that Taehyunnie has a really nice smile? Seriously, how can he smile like that every day? He literally outshines the sun. That should be illegal, don't you think?!"

Taehyun's first reaction is shock, because he's never heard his hyung compliment his smile, let alone talk so openly about him like this before.

"Uhhh... yeah, I guess it's nice?" Taehyun says as he climbs the ladder to the top bunk where Beomgyu sleeps.

When he reaches the top, he sees Beomgyu still lying down, eyes shut and blanket neatly tucked in up to his chin. He almost laughs out loud at the familiar sight.

It isn't a surprise because yes, Beomgyu talking in his sleep happens more often than not. Sometimes it'll happen in the middle of the night (according to Soobin) and he'll actually have a conversation with himself, and sometimes he speaks incoherent words that don't make sense.

Taehyun always finds it amusing and yet fascinating to watch his hyung sleep talk. The most interesting part is that Beomgyu is never aware of it himself. He'll wake up the next morning as if nothing ever happened, only to hear Soobin tell the other members about all the weird things he said during the night. Beomgyu always gets embarrassed first and foremost, but he's also confused because no, he doesn't remember any of it. Although, it's not like he can do anything about it, so he simply accepts it and proceeds to get annoyed when the members tease him about it.

"And his laugh? It's the most beautiful sound in the world. Or wait... maybe his voice is? God, his voice is seriously amazing, how is he so perfect at singing?" Beomgyu muses.

Taehyun blushes at the compliments that he's not used to. "He just practises a lot, hyung."

"That's true. He's so hardworking all the time, but I wish he'd rest more! Honestly, all I want to do is cuddle with Taehyun and hold his hands all day and tell him how much I love him."

Now that's something Taehyun didn't see coming.  
If he was sporting pink cheeks before, he's definitely burning a bright red now.

_'Beomgyu-hyung... loves me...? He wants to do all those things with me?'_ Taehyun's mind races along with his heart.

But surely, Taehyun reasons, his hyung is just clingy, and he means it in a platonic way. They all love each other. They're family.

"What do you think I should do? I really really like him and I want to take him out on cute dates and I want him to be my boyfriend one day, but I'm not really sure how the company would take it. It'd probably ruin the group's dynamics too, right? And I mean, what if Taehyunnie doesn't even like me back?" Beomgyu rambles.

Taehyun doesn't know how to respond, or even what he should be thinking. His mind is a jumbled mess of Beomgyu's words and he doesn't know how to process everything.  
He thanks Beomgyu for his inability to remember his sleep talking, and part of him feels... confused? Disappointed?

He doesn't really know what he's feeling, to be quite honest.

"Are you still there?" Beomgyu's question brings Taehyun back to reality from his temporary overload of thoughts.

"Uhhh... yeah. Yeah, I'm still here, hyung." Taehyun says nervously.

"Oh good. I still don't know what to do, though. I guess I should just keep faking it and pretending like nothing's wrong. That'd be the safest option, right? It won't be easy, but I've been doing such a good job so far, haven't I? After all, I don't want Taehyunnie to hate me or anything." Beomgyu chuckles.

"Hyung... I'd never hate you." Taehyun bites his lip.

In that moment, he feels... sorry. There's a slight pain in his chest at the thought of Beomgyu having to hide his feelings for so long. Like Beomgyu said, he can't imagine it would be very easy. Especially since Taehyun has never noticed anything, up until now, when Beomgyu has openly confessed everything unknowingly. He feels guilty, but he still doesn't exactly know what to do with the knowledge of Beomgyu's feelings. It's making him confused, and Taehyun doesn't like the feeling. He likes being in control of his emotions, and now, they're all over the place.

He's about to ask Beomgyu another question when he registers Beomgyu's light snoring, indicating that he's actually asleep now. He sighs, climbing back down the ladder and closing the door behind him as he leaves. Taehyun ruffles his hair in frustration before making the decision to take a shower to clear his mind.

But it doesn't work.

He can't stop thinking about Beomgyu and his words, and he can't seem to ignore the fast beating of his heart.

The next morning, Taehyun surprisingly sleeps past his alarm, turning it off before burying his face in his pillow once more. When Hueningkai climbs down, he has to rub his eyes to check if he's really seeing Taehyun still sleeping in bed, and yes, he is.

"Taehyun-ah, how are you still in bed? Wake up!" Hueningkai shakes him, but the only response he gets is a groan and Taehyun pulling the blanket over his head.

If Hueningkai thought it was weird that Taehyun wasn't already out of bed and half-ready to go, he's definitely weirded out by the fact that Taehyun is so grumpy and unwilling to get out of bed. Even when Taehyun is tired, or he's had only a few hours of sleep, he'll usually force himself to sit up to wake himself up.

"Come on, Taehyunnie, we have to go to school. Wake up before I hit you or something." Hueningkai pulls on the blanket, much to Taehyun's dismay.

He hugs his body closer due to lack of warmth and sudden exposure to the cold air, but he eventually sits up, leaving Hueningkai satisfied.

"Hurry up and get ready, otherwise you'll be fighting Beomgyu-hyung for the bathroom." Hueningkai laughs as he goes to check on said hyung.

When Hueningkai is out of earshot, Taehyun groans loudly, slapping his hands over his face in annoyance. He mentally curses himself for once again thinking of Beomgyu first thing in the morning. Honestly, wasn't it enough when Taehyun kept himself up for hours wrestling with his thoughts and feelings? He can't recall when the sleep finally took over his body, but the exhaustion in his eyes and body tell him that he didn't get very many hours at all.

To make things worse, Beomgyu's appearance reminds him of his unfortunate predicament.

"No way! Am I seeing things right?" Beomgyu stops in his tracks at their door. "Taehyun-ah, are you all right?"

Beomgyu immediately walks over, placing a hand on Taehyun's forehead without hesitation.

"W-What are you doing?" Taehyun's face heats up at the sudden contact and he slaps Beomgyu's hand away.

"I'm checking for a fever, you dummy!" Beomgyu feels his forehead again, frowning. "Wait here. I'll get the thermometer."

"I-I'm fine! I just woke up, hyung. It's normal to feel a little warmer than usual." Taehyun explains.

"Are you sure? You're not sick or anything?" Beomgyu fusses. "Do you know how rare it is for you to sleep in? Especially if I'm awake before you."

"It's fine, hyung. I... I'm just tired. I stayed up late last night." Taehyun scratches his neck nervously.

"Hmm... If you say so. You should still take it easy though!" Beomgyu ruffles his hair. "I'll use the bathroom now, then."

Taehyun waits until Beomgyu is out the door before pulling the blanket over his head in embarrassment.

Of course. As usual, Beomgyu doesn't remember a thing.

And it only makes things worse for Taehyun, now that he's hyper-conscious of Beomgyu's physical contact and sweet words. He can't ignore these little motions, especially now that he knows how Beomgyu really feels about him. Taehyun can't seem to understand why simple things that were so natural before, are now leaving him a blushing mess of jumbled thoughts. It's as if all rationality has been thrown out the window, and now he doesn't even know what the right thing to do is.

Should he just try and forget what happened—since Beomgyu doesn't remember? Then again, after losing so much sleep over it, Taehyun doesn't think it'll be that easy to forget such a confession.  
Should he confront Beomgyu about it? But how would he go about asking it? 'Oh hyung, I heard that you really like me, is that true?' No, surely that would make Beomgyu feel uncomfortable—and besides, Taehyun doesn't even know how _he_ feels about it. He doesn't want to break Beomgyu's heart by rejecting him, but he doesn't exactly know if he feels anything for the elder either. He should probably get his feelings in check.

And so, Taehyun figures that the best thing he should do for now, is to ignore Beomgyu. Not completely ignore him, but just refuse his touches and spend less time with him. Taehyun knows for sure that Beomgyu clinging to him or talking to him as usual will leave him embarrassed and even more confused.  
Luckily, he's in a different major to Beomgyu, so they don't share many classes together in the first place, but during break times is where it gets hard. Because Taehyun doesn't share classes with the two of them, they'll often eat lunch with him and spend their free periods together. Sometimes Taehyun wonders how he isn't sick of them already. He supposes that because they live together, they naturally gravitate towards each other and find their comfort in each other's presence.  
Which is why Beomgyu gets a bit shocked at the sudden change in their plans when Taehyun says he's eating lunch with other friends.

"Oh... That's okay! You should spend time with your friends, right, Kai?" Beomgyu smiles.

"Yeah, it's fine! Beomgyu-hyung and me can eat with our classmates too!"

"Sorry about that again. I'll see you later, then." Taehyun rushes off to find his classmates before Beomgyu has time to say anything else.

Beomgyu finds it weird. He supposes that there's no obligation to always eat together—after all, they spend every other hour outside of school together. But it's weird because Taehyun had even said the previous night (before heading to the convenience store) that he'd be sure to grab Beomgyu's favourite cup ramen so that they could eat it for lunch at school the next day. Which is today.

The second time it's weird is when they all have a free period together, and yet Taehyun is nowhere to be found in the library where they always study together. Hueningkai finds a table while Beomgyu searches for Taehyun, but the younger can't be found anywhere. Beomgyu resorts to sending a message. 

**beomgyu:** taehyun-ah, where are you?? kai and i are already in the library! 

**taehyun:** ahhh sorry hyung! a group assignment came up so we're working together in one of the music rooms. make sure you study! don't let hyuka sleep again! i'll see you after school.

**beomgyu:** it's okay!! have fun and good luck! taehyun-ah fighting!

Beomgyu finds it weird firstly because he's never heard of this group assignment before (and usually Taehyun will talk about it, especially if it's a group assignment) and secondly, because when it usually takes Taehyun not even five seconds to reply to messages, this time it took five minutes. 

Meanwhile, Taehyun spends his free period in the music room alone, releasing a sigh of relief when Beomgyu replies back without any sign of suspicion. He already felt bad for ditching them at lunch, but he knows he won't be able to get anything productive done if he's literally sitting next to his hyung for a whole period.   
He sighs loudly, sitting down on the floor of the music room and pulling his knees to his chest.   
Taehyun knows he can't keep this up for long. Not without Beomgyu getting too suspicious or becoming even more clingy—if that's even possible. He knows he has to sort out his whatever-the-heck-they-are feelings soon. Before Beomgyu, or anyone as a matter of fact, can catch on. 

_'Calm down, Taehyun. Start with what you know.'_ Taehyun breathes in, and out.

He knows that Beomgyu is in love with him. In the romantic way. In the "I want him to be my boyfriend" way. Taehyun feels warm at the thought. 

But why?

Taehyun has never seen his hyung in that way before. Heck, he's never even _thought_ about any of this before. The possibility of Beomgyu being gay, let alone for Taehyun, has never crossed his mind. He supposes that it's not exactly something to admit openly either.   
It confuses him. It makes him wonder about Yeonjun and Soobin—and how they spend so much time together, always clingy and with Yeonjun openly flirting—and whether there's also something there. Something more than just being fellow members and family. 

But how _does_ he see Beomgyu, then? He would say that Beomgyu is one of his closest friends (obviously!), along with Hueningkai. He's closer in age to him than the other hyungs, and they go to school together, so he clearly spends more time in general with Beomgyu. 

When Taehyun thinks of Beomgyu, he thinks of an immature child who seems younger than him, but someone who can be a reliable hyung when he needs to be. 

He's always admired Beomgyu for his passion and dedication. Beomgyu is probably the biggest perfectionist of the group. Always monitoring straight after a performance, giving the members advice, and putting his all into making everything perfect. When it comes to idol Beomgyu, he's serious. It's in the way that his eyes are always watching every move, as if he's stuck in a trance, and in the way that he practises and practises every single little detail before they perform. It's in the way that too often, he'll be found practising his dance or working in his studio past midnight despite him treasuring his sleep and being hard to wake up. Beomgyu works hard—sometimes too hard, because he's always thinking of the members and MOA before he even considers himself. This is the Beomgyu Taehyun looks up to. 

But what about non-idol Beomgyu? Beomgyu off-screen is proud, funny, loud, somehow still energetic (he's not called the energiser for nothing), and sometimes a cheeky prankster (along with Yeonjun). But Beomgyu off-screen is also caring and always thoughtful. He cares for the members in silent and subtle ways, and he knows when to be quiet, especially when listening to others. 

Looking back on it, Beomgyu is also clingy, particularly to Taehyun. With Yeonjun, they connect with high fives and bro hugs. With Soobin, it's hugs, and with Hueningkai, it's the ruffling of hair and occasional cuddles. But with Taehyun, he's clingy in a different way. He likes to cling to his arm, or to wrap his arm around Taehyun's waist or shoulders. He likes to play with Taehyun's hair—not just fixing it like he does with the others, but actually caressing it and curling his fingers in it. And of course, he also cuddles with Taehyun, leaning his head on Taehyun's shoulder or even laying his head on Taehyun's lap. When he gives hugs to Taehyun, sometimes he lingers just a bit longer than he does with all the other members. Non-idol Beomgyu never fails to cheer Taehyun up. He makes Taehyun feel warm and safe and loved. 

So the signs might have been clear (unless Taehyun is making all of this up from his memory), and Beomgyu might not have been as subtle with his affections to Taehyun as he thought. 

And yet, even after all that thinking, Taehyun still isn't quite 100% sure about his feelings. He figures that Beomgyu's confession just embarrasses him in general—that it would've been the same for any other member—but it's not like he can confirm his suspicions. He doesn't know much about love, so he doesn't know what loving Beomgyu romantically is like. A part of him betrays him and wants to ask Beomgyu exactly why he loves him. What loving Taehyun is like. Because even with only knowing that Beomgyu loves his smile and his voice and that he's been feeling this way for a while, it isn't enough. Taehyun wishes he could ask what Beomgyu sees in him. Because sometimes it's hard for even Taehyun to see the good things in himself. 

_'So,'_ Taehyun concludes, _'I admire Beomgyu-hyung, and I like that he's caring and selfless, but does that mean anything? Don't I feel the same way about the other members?'_

Taehyun, once again frustrated, groans into his hands and decides to give his brain a rest from all the thinking he's done. Maybe he'll have a better idea later, but until then, he still has to keep his distance. 

When school finishes, he waits for Beomgyu and Hueningkai at the gate. He's mindlessly scrolling on his phone when he hears a loud "Taehyunnie!!"   
He looks up and for some reason, his breath is taken away as he fixes his eyes on a bright, beaming Beomgyu, waving as he's running towards him and suddenly oof-   
Taehyun is tackled into a hug by Beomgyu, squeezing a little too hard and lingering a little too long. 

"H-Hyung, what's up?" Taehyun laughs as he parts from the hug. 

"What's up?! Taehyunnie, I haven't seen you all day! I missed you!" Beomgyu pouts. 

Taehyun finds it extremely cute.   
_'Wait... what?'_

"Calm down, Beomgyu-hyung, you're so dramatic." Hueningkai laughs. "Hyung has been complaining all day about how he didn't get to see you or spend time with you at all." 

"Shut up, Kai-ah! Didn't you miss Taehyunnie too?" 

"Yeah, I did. But clearly not as much as you." Hueningkai teases. 

"Whatever, let's go home, Taehyunnie!" Beomgyu immediately clings onto Taehyun's arm, causing him to feel warm again. 

Taehyun sees Hueningkai roll his eyes and he could have sworn he heard Kai mutter a "Whipped." under his breath. He doesn't think much of it. 

When they get home, it's to change their uniforms and leave their school things behind, and then off to the company for practice. The work is endless, but it's the price for being both a full-time idol and a full-time student. But Taehyun relishes in his job. He's doing what he loves, and he couldn't ask for better members to do it with. 

During their breaks in between practice, Beomgyu clings to Taehyun even more (from the lack of attention), causing him to become even more embarrassed, and although he would have never predicted or even wanted it to happen, he snaps. 

"Hyung, just leave me alone!" Taehyun's exclamation shocks the whole room into silence as he pushes Beomgyu away mid-cuddling. 

"Taehyunnie, what's wrong?" Beomgyu asks with concerned eyes. As he reaches a hand out, Taehyun slaps it away. 

"Why are you being so clingy all of a sudden?" Taehyun looks down, unable to meet anyone's gaze. 

"W-Wha-? Taehyunnie, I just really missed you, okay?" Beomgyu feels a lump in his throat.

"Well, we don't have to be around each other all the time, hyung! Honestly, we literally see each other twenty-four-seven. Why do I have to stick to you at school as well?" Taehyun gets up to leave.

"Wait, why are you acting so weird? You've never complained before! What happened? Did I do something wrong? Is that why you're avoiding me?" Beomgyu grips onto Taehyun's wrist.

"I-It's not your fault, Beomgyu-hyung. I just need some time alone." Taehyun shakes off Beomgyu's grip and walks out the practice room.

But Beomgyu isn't convinced. He knows something is up—he just doesn't know what. He slams a fist down on his thigh and wills himself not to cry. He's strong. He shouldn't be crying over something like this. Even if Taehyun's words hurt him, and the "Why do I have to stick to you at school as well?" echoes in his mind, Beomgyu has to ignore it. Maybe Taehyun is just tired.

_'He just needs some time alone, Beomgyu. Don't make it any worse.'_

Kai explains the situation to the other hyungs and Beomgyu vaguely registers a hand on his back.

"It's okay, Gyu, I'm sure he's just stressed and needs to be alone for now. It's not your fault." Soobin rubs comforting circles on Beomgyu's back.

Taehyun ignores Beomgyu completely this time. Even during dinner, Taehyun doesn't say a word, and when they return to the dorms after individual practice, Taehyun is already in his room asleep before Beomgyu can even do anything.

Curled up in his bed and wrapped tightly in a ball, Taehyun mentally curses at himself for hurting Beomgyu. He didn't mean to snap. He didn't think it would come down to it. But he did. And now, he's left regretting his words and feeling distant from not only Beomgyu, but the rest of the group. He ignores the guilt and tries to sleep.

The next morning leaves Taehyun even grumpier than before. The guilt and regret and Beomgyu's feelings and Taehyun's whatever-they-are feelings eat him up in the night, leaving him with less sleep than before. He's even out the door before Beomgyu or Kai can say a word, and 20 minutes before they usually leave. The rest of the day pans out as the previous day. Beomgyu and Hueningkai do not see Taehyun during lunch, nor during their two common free periods for the day. It pains Hueningkai to see the two so distant, when they're usually joined at the hip (all on Beomgyu's part), and it hurts him to watch Beomgyu constantly worrying and overthinking throughout the day. Taehyun doesn't bother to wait for them to go home, and few words are exchanged during their dance practice. It eventually gets called off early, because Taehyun and Beomgyu can't focus. Taehyun returns to the dorms early to sleep while the others stay behind.

Taehyun wakes up after seeing the 8:29 digits on his phone. He missed dinner, so he'll probably just have some instant ramen. On his way out, he passes by Beomgyu and Soobin's room and hears crying, making him stop and hide against the wall.

"I just... I d-don't know what I did." Beomgyu sobs.

"You need to talk to him." Soobin says. "I know he said to leave him alone, but you can't keep this up. The stress and anxiety is eating you up, Beomgyu-ah."

"But how can I talk to him when... when he just runs away from me? Hyung, that's not normal." Beomgyu sounds more breathy as he starts to panic. "What if this lasts for longer? What if I did something, and now we'll never be the same again? What if he hates me? Hyung, I can't stand being without him, I can't go on anymore without us being okay, I-"

"Beomgyu, Beomgyu, breathe. In and out, come on, you can do it. Do it with me, Gyu."

Taehyun quickly slips past before he can hear any more of the conversation. He clutches his chest and feels the guilt weigh down on him. He caused this. He made Beomgyu worry and stress and panic, and it's all because he doesn't know how to sort himself out. This was a mistake. Taehyun should have just tried to forget everything, should have just acted normal, pretending like everything was okay—because now it's not.  
He goes to the kitchen and makes cup ramen for himself, even though he's lost his appetite. Just as he's about to start eating, he looks up from his spot on the floor at the familiar blond-haired boy.

"Mind if I eat here too?"

Yeonjun quickly makes some ramen and joins Taehyun on the floor, sitting next to him cross-legged. They eat in silence for a while, until sobs wrack Taehyun's body. Without any words needed, Yeonjun puts down his ramen and wraps the boy in a warm embrace. Taehyun puts his ramen down, arms flying to clutch the elder's back.

"I-It's all my f-fault." Taehyun sobs.

"Shh... It's okay. Let it all out. Just cry it out, Tae." Yeonjun strokes Taehyun's hair and rubs his back.

After a few minutes, Taehyun is calm enough to speak, sniffling here and there.

"Hyung... Do you like anyone?" Taehyun asks out of nowhere.

"I'm guessing you mean _like_ like?" Yeonjun laughs, earning a nod from Taehyun. "I guess it's pretty obvious, but it's Soobin."

"What do you like about him?"

"Hah! That's easy." Yeonjun chuckles. "Everything."

"Hyung, that's such a cliché answer."

"But it's true! I love everything about Soobin, from his looks to his cuteness, to his passion, to his talents... The list never ends. We could be here all night." Yeonjun smiles fondly.

"How did you know? How did you know that it wasn't just... admiration? Or that you just appreciate Soobin-hyung because he treated you the same way?"

"Hmm... I guess it just happened. I started to notice all the little things that made Soobin... Soobin. We already know a lot about Soobin, but it's like I wanted to know more. Like there would always be things to discover about him, and that made me feel excited like none of you guys ever did. Suddenly, I found myself wanting to be around Soobin all the time, and I almost just... wanted him all for myself." Yeonjun laughs, covering a smile with his hand in embarrassment.

"That's... That's beautiful, hyung. I'm really happy for you two. Wait, the feelings are mutual, right?" Taehyun panics for a second.

Yeonjun laughs. "Yeah. Yeah, they are."

"But hyung... are you two official? Does the company know?"

"We told Bang PD-nim about it as soon as we knew. He said that it was fine to be in a relationship, as long as it didn't affect our work. Of course, we have to hold back a bit in front of the public too."

"I see... T-That's good to hear, hyung."

"Is this about what happened with Beomgyu?"

Taehyun saw the conversation coming, but his breath still hitches. To be fair, he started this topic fully knowing that he wanted to ask Yeonjun about what to do with Beomgyu.

"He... He confessed to me." Yeonjun's eyes widen in surprise. "While he was sleep talking."

Yeonjun starts laughing. "In his sleep? Oh goodness, that's gold! And he doesn't remember any of it, right?"

"Not a thing. That's why I've been mulling over it for the past few days... While he's left confused and concerned."

"I'm so sorry, Taehyunnie. I know that must have been hard." Yeonjun places a comforting hand on his back. "So... how do you feel about it?"

"That's the thing, hyung. I still don't really know?" Taehyun says, confused. "I can't stop thinking about it, and I get really embarrassed when I'm around Beomgyu-hyung now, but that's kind of natural, after hearing him say such things so openly.  
It's like, now that I know how Beomgyu-hyung feels about me, everything feels different. Suddenly, I'm so aware of his clinginess and all his sweet words, and it makes me feel really nice and warm inside, but that's just because of what happened, right?"

"Well, what if Hueningie was the one to confess to you? Would it feel different?"

"I mean... I can't know for sure, obviously, but... I don't think it would be the same. Kai is my best friend. He's my brother. I can't even imagine what dating him would be like. Ew..." Yeonjun and Taehyun laugh.

"Okay, so, how about dating Beomgyu? How does that make you feel?" Taehyun turns bright red at the question.

"Beomgyu-hyung... He's really sweet. And caring. He makes me feel warm and safe... and he makes me feel loved when I can't even love myself. I thought about it, and I really admire Beomgyu-hyung, and he's really caring and selfless, but hyung, how do I know it's not the same as how I feel about you guys? I mean, everyone is so hardworking and loving, so what if I don't actually love Beomgyu that way? What if I'm only feeling like this because that's what he feels towards me?" Taehyun rambles.

"Taehyun-ah, that's what love is. You love Beomgyu because _he_ loves _you_. None of us make you feel as loved and as happy as Beomgyu. Sure, you might admire us all, and like that we're caring... But Beomgyu makes you feel special, doesn't he? I guess I can't really tell you what you're feeling, but I think you've already found the answer. I'm sorry that I can't really explain it well, since it 'just happened' for me, but just think about it. Don't think about anyone else or how we make you feel. Don't stress about returning his feelings. Just think about Beomgyu, and how he makes you feel, deep in your heart." 

"Yeonjun-hyung... Thank you. It really helped me to talk it out with you. And... I think you gave the best advice." Taehyun smiles, pulling the blond in for a hug.

"I'm just glad you didn't keep it to yourself. You can't always bottle up your feelings, Taehyun-ah. We're here to listen." Yeonjun ruffles his red hair.

They look up as Soobin walks out of his room, closing the door behind him.

"Finally got him to sleep." Soobin says as Yeonjun stands up and wraps an arm around his boyfriend. "H-Hyung!"

"It's fine, Binnie, I just told Taehyun. Besides, I'm pretty sure we're obvious enough. Taehyun noticed before we even said anything about us." Yeonjun rests his head on Soobin's shoulder.

"I see. Are you okay, Taehyun-ah?"

"Yeah, I feel better now, after talking to Yeonjun-hyung." Taehyun pauses. "Thank you. And I'm sorry for worrying you."

"As long as you're feeling better, it's okay. Just talk to Beomgyu soon, yeah?"

"I will, hyung." Taehyun watches as the two walk away, clinging to one another.

He thinks about Beomgyu-hyung, being clingy with Taehyun, and he misses him instantly. He misses the older boy's laugh, and his bright smile, and how he's always energetic and hyper, even when he doesn't need to be. Taehyun thinks that Beomgyu is the sun that energises him and cheers him up without fail. Without the sun, his world is dark.

Talking with Yeonjun has made him realise that he must feel something for Beomgyu. It's the fact that he knows Beomgyu loves him, that Beomgyu treasures him, that makes him sure of his feelings. Taehyun realises that he has to stop thinking "What if it was another member?" because in reality, it's not another member. It's Beomgyu-hyung. And he makes him feel so loved.

He pads over to Beomgyu and Soobin's shared room and slowly creaks the door open.

"Beomgyu-hyung?" Taehyun calls out to check if he's asleep.

As he reaches the top, his gaze falls upon Beomgyu, turned away from him and snuggled up in his blanket. Taehyun vaguely wonders if Beomgyu cried himself to sleep, and feels a pang in his chest. He knows it's happened many times before, and he had hoped it would never happen again, especially after they debuted.  
Taehyun makes himself comfortable and sits at the end of the bed, tucking his legs under the blanket, parallel to Beomgyu's legs. Under the cover, Taehyun relishes in the warmth provided by his hyung.

Taehyun chuckles. "Last time, you were the one sleep talking to me, but now I guess it's the opposite."

"Beomgyu-hyung, I'm so sorry. I hurt you so much, and it was all my fault. I hope I can make it up to you soon.

I'll give you a proper apology and explain everything tomorrow, when you're actually awake... but I guess I just want to practise while you're still sleeping and unconscious.

Hyung, I'm sorry. After you confessed to me while you were sleep talking, I didn't know what to think. I'd never seen you in that way before... but I think your confession knocked some sense into me. Suddenly, I got really flustered and embarrassed around you, and all the things that were so natural before became something different. Because I knew what you felt towards me, I found it harder to act normal around you. So I decided to ignore you and put some distance between us. I wanted to take the time alone to really think about how I felt towards you. And I did! To be honest, I couldn't stop thinking about you, hyung. You're the reason why I lost so much sleep, dummy.

But I hurt you in the process. And I snapped at you, because I was so frustrated with myself, and then everything went downhill from then on. It really hurt me to see you so worried and anxious. I'm sorry, hyung. I really regret it. I should've just talked to you about it, but I was scared. I wasn't sure if I really liked you for real, or if it was just because I felt guilty and wanted to return your feelings. And of course, I didn't want to accept your feelings if mine weren't real. That would be a dick move.

Hyung, I'm so sorry for making you cry. I'm so glad Soobin-hyung was there for you. I really wanted to walk in and just hug you and comfort you like you always do to me, but I knew that I had no right to do that. Then, I finally talked to Yeonjun-hyung about it. I asked him about him and Soobin, and he really helped me to understand my feelings and sort them out. And I've come to realise that I do love you, hyung. I think that your confession has made me see how loved I am by you, and just how much you treasure and care about me. I can't believe I've never noticed it before, especially with how clingy you are. (Taehyun chuckles.)

I kept thinking "What if it was another member that confessed? Would I be going through the same thing as I am now?" But I realised that it wasn't another member, it was you that confessed. And that's special. If it was any other member, I wouldn't be mulling over it like this. Yeonjun-hyung and Soobin-hyung are already so obviously in love with each other, and Kai is like a brother to me. But you, Beomgyu-hyung... you're special. You make me feel warm and loved and safe inside, and you also give me butterflies and hot cheeks.

Hyung... I think that it'll take some time, but I'm going to learn to love you. I'll learn every little thing about you, and I'll fall in love with your features and your cute habits and your everyday things. Just give me some time, hyung. I'll learn how to love you like you love me."

Taehyun mentally wishes he could take Beomgyu's hand. He imagines how he'll confess tomorrow, and he thinks that he'll forget most of this speech, but he'll deal with that later.

"Beomgyu-hyung... Thank you. Thank you for loving me. Sometimes it's hard for me to see the good things or the worth in myself, but you're always there to support and encourage me, and to love me for who I am. And for that, I am so grateful. Beomgyu-hyung... I don't have very many words right now, but when I think of you, I think you're beautiful." Taehyun smiles fondly. "I'll talk to you properly tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll remember this speech, but forgive me if I get lost for words tomorrow. It's harder to confess when the other person is awake after all. I promise you, tomorrow, everything will be okay. We'll be okay.

Sleep well, hyung."

Taehyun slowly moves to lift his legs out from the blanket... until he stops dead in his tracks.  
Next to him, Beomgyu turns around to face him, smiling with wide open eyes and a smug look on his face.

"Come here, Taehyunnie." Beomgyu holds out his arms.

"W-Wha-" Taehyun's face burns up. "H-Hyung, how long have you been awake for?!"

Beomgyu giggles, like music to Taehyun's ears. "The whole time."

Taehyun pauses in shock before he quickly rushes to get off the bunk, only to be stopped when Beomgyu sits up to grip his wrist.

"Ahh, it's cold, Taehyunnie! Come on, hurry up and cuddle with me!" Beomgyu whines. "It's not like you can avoid me forever."

Taehyun feels his chest flutter at the thought of cuddling next to Beomgyu in bed, wrapped in each other's warmth. Of course, he gives into the temptation. Beomgyu's right—he can't avoid him forever. He might as well make use of the warm bed. Taehyun lies down next to Beomgyu, tucking himself under the blanket as Beomgyu immediately snakes an arm around his waist and pulls him closer.

"Hyung, you're so mean!" Taehyun whines, covering his face in embarrassment. "I can't believe you really heard everything."

Beomgyu only giggles, moving his hand to take Taehyun's and intertwine them in between the two of them. "Sorry, Taehyunnie. To be honest, I didn't think you were going to say the whole spiel."

Taehyun immediately falls in love with the sound of Beomgyu's airy laugh, and he thinks that holding hands with Beomgyu is something he could get used to.

For a few minutes, they stay lying there in silence. Taehyun sees Beomgyu's puffy eyes and his little dimple and his fluffy bedhair, and he appreciates Beomgyu's dashing features up close for the first time in a while. Beomgyu moves the hand from Taehyun's waist to brush some hair behind his ear, and then rests his hand while cupping Taehyun's cheek. In the silence of the night, the world only consists of the two.

"Gosh, you're beautiful." Taehyun sighs.

Beomgyu smirks with a huff. "If I'm beautiful, maybe you can be gorgeous. Handsome sounds too stiff."

Taehyun chuckles. "You can call me whatever you want. But you'll always outshine everything, even the sun."

"Are you sure that isn't you?" Beomgyu laughs. "Gosh, I can't believe this is real. Are you sure this isn't a dream?"

Taehyun squeezes Beomgyu's hand tighter. "No, love, it's not a dream. It's very much real, and I am very much in love with you, Choi Beomgyu."

"Thank goodness. I never want to suppress my feelings for you ever again." Beomgyu sighs. "All I've ever wanted to do is cuddle you and hold you and kiss you and make you mine."

"And now I am. I'm all yours, baby." Taehyun wraps an arm around Beomgyu's waist. "Now you know why I've been avoiding you this whole time. I'm really sorry for causing you pain, hyung. I just... didn't know how to deal with everything."

"It's okay, Hyunnie." Beomgyu smiles. "Did I really confess while I was sleep talking, though? How embarrassing! What did I say?"

"You said that you really liked my smile." Taehyun giggles. "And my voice. And that you wanted to make me your boyfriend. But then you tried to ask me for advice, and it was really funny."

"Ugh, I hate it when I sleep talk!" Beomgyu groans, then pauses. "So will you?"

"Will I what?"

"Be my boyfriend?"

"Yes. Yes, of course, I will, you dummy." Taehyun flicks him on the forehead. "If I'm honest... I don't think it will take very long to learn to love you at all."

"And why is that?" Beomgyu muses.

"Because I've already found so many reasons. And I can't wait to find them all."

Beomgyu blushes. "I can't wait either. After all, the list only keeps growing."

The two laugh together before shifting to cuddle closer—Taehyun resting his head on Beomgyu's chest with an arm around his waist and Beomgyu with one hand carding through Taehyun's hair and the other holding Taehyun's hand on his waist.

"Good night, Hyunnie." Beomgyu presses a kiss to Taehyun's forehead.

"Good night, Beomgyu-hyung." Taehyun smiles, basking in the warmth of his now-boyfriend.

And for the first time in a few days, they have the best sleep, resting in each other's arms. And there are only many more blissful and beautiful sleeps to come.

* * *

Taehyun wakes up first, as usual. His eyes flutter open and his hazy mind takes a while before he remembers that it's Saturday. Thank goodness for the weekend, where their schedules are a lot less packed and more free-form.

His head moves to the rhythm of Beomgyu's rising and falling chest, and he adds it to the list of things he loves about Beomgyu. He slowly props himself up on one elbow, so he can directly admire Beomgyu's face. Even barefaced, Beomgyu looks perfect with his sharp jawline, cute nose, and slightly parted, yet plump lips. Taehyun feels the urge to kiss Beomgyu so badly, but he debates between waking Beomgyu up for cuddles and kisses, and letting him sleep more. He decides to admire his boyfriend's beautiful sleeping face for a bit more, mindlessly wondering how he got so lucky to be with Beomgyu. He plays with Beomgyu's hair, curling the soft locks with his fingers, and brushing them away from his face. He stops when Beomgyu stirs, slightly groaning.

"What time is it?" Beomgyu asks in his husky morning voice. Another thing to add to the list.

"I don't know, and frankly, I don't care. It's Saturday morning, love."

"Which means we can go back to sleep." Beomgyu says as he tries to pull Taehyun back down to his chest.

"We could. Or we could cuddle and kiss?" Taehyun suggests playfully.

Beomgyu slips back into a drowsy sleep, not answering for a good few minutes.

"Yah, wake up!" Taehyun shakes his boyfriend. Even if they can cuddle while sleeping again, Taehyun really wants the kisses.

"Make me." Beomgyu laughs lazily.

Beomgyu doesn't see this one coming. Suddenly, a pair of warm lips are on his, tongue already swirling around his mouth as Beomgyu kisses back, sucking lightly on Taehyun's bottom lip. Taehyun moves to straddle Beomgyu's hips, hands cupping around Beomgyu's face and fingers tangled in his hair. Beomgyu's hands find their way under Taehyun's shirt, rubbing circles on his back, every touch burning with warmth. Taehyun adds kissing to the list, already getting addicted and drunk with love. When they part to breathe, Taehyun continues kissing his cheeks and all over his face, causing Beomgyu to giggle softly. 

"Damn, I could get used to this every morning."

"THAT'S IT! I'M OUT!" A voice cries from below.

Beomgyu laughs as he watches Soobin rush out of the room. He hears a faint,

"Baby, I told you that you should've slept with me last night."

"YES, I win the bet! Own up, Soobinnie-hyung!"

Taehyun stops his kisses to Beomgyu's disappointment and laughs. "We're not even doing anything that bad."

"They can imagine all they want." Beomgyu wraps his arms around Taehyun's neck, pulling him down. "Right now, it's just you and me, gorgeous."

Beomgyu captures Taehyun in another deep kiss, this time more slow and tender as he curls and tugs on Taehyun's hair, causing him to smile.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, beautiful."

**Author's Note:**

> heads up, i have a lot to say whoops
> 
> \- firstly i feel like i have to confirm that all they do is cuddle and kiss, and that's it. please don't imagine anything beyond that. i leave the fic there because i like the ending line, not because i want it to be open-ended. i hope you understand.  
> \- a quick sorry that hyuka doesn't get a lot of screentime. it just worked out that way. i promise i love you kai T^T
> 
> ANYWAY i feel like looking back on this fic, it's honestly a bit of a mess. when i first started with this idea, i simply wrote "taehyun realises he's had feelings for beomgyu this whole time, but he just repressed them" but i didn't actually think about how complex that would be to write. i can't write from experience at all, so it turned into this mess, but i just hope that i conveyed taehyun's conflict, the pressure of returning his feelings for fear of hurting beomgyu, and his realisation that yes, he does feel something for his hyung (and not the others).
> 
> i also realised just how much i repeated a lot of things (words and phrases) and i'm so sorry if that made it boring! i'm super unoriginal and don't know how to word things uniquely lol. especially when i don't even know if what i'm writing makes sense. i probably could have put more effort into editing this, but i'm not bothered, sorry 
> 
> also fun fact, i actually hadn't planned for taehyun to want to "learn how to love beomgyu" but as i was writing the ending, it seemed more and more fitting. taehyun was unsure of these feelings, and now that he knows there's something, he wants to learn how to love every little thing about beomgyu. i figured it's not really realistic for taehyun to have some sort of sudden gay awakening and then suddenly he's in love with everything about beomgyu. no - realistically, he learns about beomgyu bit by bit, and learns to love his every feature and detail step by step. i hope that makes sense! in hindsight, it made a great opportunity to put in the "list" motif of things that taehyun loves about beomgyu.
> 
> a quick sorry for the angst - it was necessary and honestly i didn't plan on writing it out so thoroughly lmao i was just gonna say that taehyun was ignoring beomgyu and all and then be like "a few days later" (*insert spongebob meme*) and taehyun talks to yeonjun and the rest is history - but EITHER WAY i hope it didn't add too much unneeded content lol
> 
> thank you as always for reading this!! i really do appreciate it a lot. thank you for taking the time to read this, and i hope you enjoyed it! sorry for the angst again, but i hope i made up for it with taegyu fluffy domestic boyfs <3  
> please come talk to me, say hi, get to know me, or scream at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/beomieggyu)!  
> also feel free to drop a comment or question on my [cc](https://curiouscat.me/beomieggyu)!


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